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| MAY 5th, SATURDAY (Noon) SEASON OPENER Game 1: Dan & Joel Paul, Gerald & Bill 7 3 As expected, Dan and Joel led off the first inning with a 2-0 lead, securing the first of several nails in Paul & Gerald's coffins. Bill arrived in time to join Paul & Ger for their first at bat. Although Bill was expected to suck (as per usual), it turned out that he was their team's saving grace. Not only did he hit the ball, but with an extra man in the field, he helped keep Dan & Joel from scoring into the teens. Gerald was the surprising disaster of the day, seemingly unable to make contact with the ball. Paul popped up, further securing his title "pop-out paulie." Game highlight: dan gets hit in nut (just one) Game 2 (5 innings): Dan & Joel & Paul Gerald & Bill 10 1 By some twisted logic, Bill decided that giving Dan & Joel's team Paul and teaming with ONLY Gerald would give them a chance at winning. While Paul did get off to a horrid start, making the first 4 outs of the game (and plenty later on), Dan & Joel were quite capable in bringing in the runs. Bill did knock in a homer to put his team on the board, but Gerald remained unable to do anything productive. Even with Joel pitching the final inning, lobbing the ball in, Gerald & Bill were beyond hope. Game highlight... ger: "i don't think so" joel: homerun hit |
| Speedball Update |
| JUNE 23RD SATURDAY (11:30am) Game 5 (roughly 5, 3-way innings): Joel vs. Paul vs. Bill 2 18 1 Dan being a total ass, decided that the rain at 10:00am would be too much to bear and proceeded to stay in bed despite the fact that it stopped raining at 11:10am and that he was called on his home phone at least 20 times. Joel, Paul & Bill decided to play anyway, using a stick that was decidedly too short. It should also be noted that Paul was 20 minutes late because he had to go to the bank (why BEFORE? the game) and Bill was also late. Joel pitched to Paul in the first inning, which ended up being a total disaster as Bill was unable to field ANYTHING while he ate his WaWa hoagie. Paul was quickly up 13 runs when he should have been stopped at 2 or 3. Bill's pitching was a disgrace, allowing runs on walks to both Joel and Paul. Joel managed two runs but was too worn out from pitching/fielding on Bill and Paul's 'ups'. Oh, Paul had a homerun. Yay. Overall, not much of a game. More of a batting practice for Joel and Paul and humiliation for Bill (in the field, pitching, and at bat). We'll see if Paul puts the practice to use in the next real game. |
| \/---PRIOR GAMES LISTED IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER--------------\/---------\/---------\/---------\/--------\/ |
| Old Timer -- Veteran -- Rookie Bill - off to a surprising start, he quickly eclipsed Gerald and Paul and is one to watch. It remains to be seen if he can do away with a lot of the 'quirks' that have plagued him in prior years. While not as powerful a hitter as Paul, he is decidedly more consistent at the plate. His pitching is nothing for batters to fear. Later games have shown Bill's true colors. No longer as good as Paul, but still better than Gerald. If he didn't insist on pitching, he wouldn't have such a negative impact on his team. Dan - a homerun leader as well as the only pitcher in the league capable of pitching an entire game by himself, Dan is a most formidable opponent. When paired with Joel, the two never lose. Gerald - so far, Gerald is off to an absolutely abysmal start. He faired so poorly, he has hidden and managed to be 'unavailable' for games in the foreseeable future. Joel - the most consistent offensive player in the game, Joel oftens surprises his opponents who don't expect to be shown so much power. A deceptive, infrequent pitcher, Joel prefers to allow the batter to make contact, only to ground out or hit short pop-ups that are easily fielded. Larry - old man of the game, Larry (Dan's brother) is often called upon to return to the field to fill in when additional players are required. His performance to date is nothing to get excited about. Mark - no games played to date. Not known for his pitching or his hitting, Mark is an infrequent player who does an adequate job. Has potential if he could increase his contact percentage. Paul - 'shockingly bad' is the only way to describe Paulie's year-to-date performance. A former power-hitter and all around leading pitcher, Paul has lost his ability to reliably contact the ball. It would also appear that his infamous 'curve ball' no longer does the job. It is suspected that Gerald transmitted some kind of 'sucky' disease to Paul during the season opener. Rich - one game played to date. Best known for wearing his trademarked Moosehead Beer shirt that was decidely too snug. Like Joel, he prefers a deceptive, blooper-style pitching method, which vexes his opponents. Difficult to place in the rankings due to his inconsistent ability, he did do better then Gerald and could compete with Bill once he learns how to jump more than one inch off the ground. |
| 4 1 7 2 5 -- 3 6 |
| RANK |
| \/---MOST RECENT GAME RESULTS-------------------------------------------\/---------\/---------\/---------\/--------\/ |
| Season Complete |
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| MAY 19th, SATURDAY (11:45am) Game 3 (game called early, see story): Dan & Joel Paul & Larry 14 0 Dan & Joel continued their indomitable streak, utterly destroying Paul & Larry 14-0, at which time P&L threw in the towel. D&J had just scored 13 runs in a row, the bases were loaded, there were NO outs, and neither Paul nor Larry could pitch sufficiently enough to put down Dan & Joel. The game was called off and new teams were selected. Game 4 (9 innings): Dan & Paul Joel & Larry 8 2 Joel was saddled with Larry, while Dan took the "Gerald-like" Paul. Unfortunately for Joel, while Larry could hit the ball, his pitching in the early innings was so atrocious that Dan & Paul were quickly up 7 runs (with no outs) before Joel stepped in and took over the pitching for the day, after which Dan & Paul scored only ONE run for the remainder of the day. Dan, in particular, had incredible difficulty hitting off of Joel, repeatedly hitting very weak grounders straight to Larry's waiting glove. Dan's pitching remained strong enough to keep Joel & Larry from scoring enough to close the chasm caused by Larry early in the game. After the game, Larry and Paul made a quick escape in shame, Dan & Joel dined on water ices from 'Jack&Jill', which were decidedly not as good as those purchased (again, by Dan) after the Season Opener. |
| JULY 21ST SATURDAY (11:30am) Game 6 (9 innings): Dan & Rich Joel & Paul & Bill 16 15 Not a bad turnout for the day. Gerald, once again, was unavailable to play. This was a high scoring game, due mostly to the poor pitching skills exhibited by both teams. Rich made his first appearance of the season, donning a shirt that was just long enough to avoid being termed a "belly" shirt. After J/P/B's first at bats, the day seemed hopeless for Dan & Rich, little did they know that Bill would insist on pitching much of the game and Paul's effectiveness was decidely short-lived. Due to a shortness of ADULT sized gloves (Dan brought one fit for an 8-year old), Joel's fielding ability was limited immensely. Several key plays were missed. This was a big day for home runs, with Dan bringing in 4, Joel 3 (Dan robbed him of a 4th one on the sidewalk ledge), and Paul 2. Bill and Rich, unsurprisingly, did not register any homeruns whatsoever. The game looked close with Dan and Rich maintaining a slight lead for much of the game. In the bottom of the 8th, Joel scored his 3rd homer of the day, putting his team up by one. Despite severe pressure from Joel & Paul, Bill insisted on pitching in the 9th inning, which resulted in the team's ultimate demise. Bill's quote: "it's no fun if you don't pitch" -- Joel's: "it's no fun if you don't win, especially when you know your picther SUCKS and will cost you the game." |
| JUNE 30TH SATURDAY (noon) Game called due to laziness. Gerald remains in hiding. |
| AUGUST 25TH SATURDAY (11:00am) Game 7 (7 innings): Dan & Joel Paul & Bill 7 7 A real day of sevens. Game 7, seven innings, game tied at 7. Appropriate for Joel's first game back from his Vegas vacation. Dan got off to a poor pitching start, giving Paul & Bill a lead they would have for much of the day. Both Joel and Dan had trouble hitting much more than foul balls and grounders this day. Bill had nothing special to offer, while Paul took advantage of Dan's weakness to smack two towering homeruns. Dan & Joel made progress throughout the day in gaining on Paul & Bill, but it looked bleak until late in the game when Joel hit a much disputed 2-run homer up the left field line. This tied the game at 7 where it proceeded to stall. Paul pretty much gave up after that, though it was rumored he just didn't want to get bitch-slapped for being late to his appointment with Nikki. |
| SEPTEMBER 15TH SATURDAY (11:00am) Game 8 (1 inning): Dan & Paul Gerald & Bill 13 0 What a disaster. While Joel ventured all the way to 69th Street in Philly to find new tennis balls, Dan & Paul scored 13 runs on just 3 hits off of Gerald & Bill. Game called due to G&B's total retardation. Game 9 (9 innings): Dan & Paul Joel, Gerald & Bill 15 4 Bill insisted on pitching, as per usual, and neither Bill nor Gerald could do much batting wise. Joel led off the game with a home run off of Dan at his first at bat, but nothing could save his team from its eventual, Bill Gribbin-laden demise. Highlight of the game: high pop up straight to Bill in the outfield... rolls right down his neckless head, over his beer belly gut (past the underhand glove), and off his tiny ball sack to drop to the ground. Game 10 (? 6 innings): Dan & Bill Joel & Gerald 4 10 Gerald perhaps redeemed himself (albeit late in the season) by managing to ding a few balls over the fence, and even ringing up a homerun for himself (Dan & Joel each got one more in this game as well). Bill insisted on pitching, which early in the game led to the bases being loaded and J&G racking up run-after-run. Dan & Bill had trouble hitting off of both Gerald and Joel. All these factors led to Dan's first losing game of the season (note: Dan & Joel as a team remain undefeated across multiple seasons). |
